Thursday, June 28, 2007

Does He Stay Up Late Thinking Of This Shit?

Or is it a natural gift? That's what I'm asking myself this morning.

(**Please, dear readers, skip this whole post and check back with me tomorrow if previous tapioca reports have bored you senseless. This pudding-headed interlude, while a bit stranger than most, is probably not worth reading. Unfortunately for you, I've become dependent on my blog as a venting vehicle! I have tried but I cannot properly complete my freaking out and move on without blogging about it. I'll be over it tomorrow. I promise.)

So I got an email from my ex, Mr. Tapioca Head, this morning inviting me to a surprise going away party he's having for the boys. That is not weird. That is kind and normal. Thoughtful even. (Ignore for a moment that his email also asked me for a list of the boys' friends and phone numbers.) The part of this email that has me freaking out is the part where he says, "But I also wanted to let you know that I did invite [let's call her Jessica] to this, so her son can say goodbye to the boys as well. I don’t want to make things awkward for you. " Jessica happens to be my ex girlfriend. I met her a year or so after my divorce and we dated for about a year. It ended in a very ugly way. She lied to me, then cheated on me, and then lied some more. I told her I didn't want her in my life or my children's lives, in any way, ever again. (Can you blame me?!) So, naturally, as I read his email, several obvious questions came to mind.

First: What possessed Mr. Tapioca Head to invite her to a party (supposedly) for my children? Yes, he had kept in contact with her. (I had introduced them at the time. They work in the same industry. She got him a job and later he returned the favor and got her a job somewhere else.) Fine. Then he should invite her to a party for HIM. My kids haven't seen her or her son in at least four years. Why the need to say goodbye now? Not to mention the part where I told my children that the reason she and her son weren't in our lives anymore was because she'd lied to me about something important. The boys and I had lots of discussions about friendships and boundaries and second chances and making hard decisions. We talked about what to do when people seemed nice but did mean things. (They were too young to know that it was a romantic relationship so I wasn't processing my "break up" with them - but the lessons are important and universal. Everyone ends up with tricky friendship situations at some point in their lives.) Mr. T knew all about this. As a co-parent, I wanted him to know what the kids were dealing with. I told him what was going on and why and how much I was telling the kids and why. He knew what kinds of questions they were asking and what answers I was giving them. Again - fine if he wants to stay connected to her even knowing what she's like, but to pretend he's inviting her to this party for my kids' sake? Mixed messages. Does not compute.

Second: As bizarre as it is to invite her in the first place and to pretend it's for my kids, I think it is WAAAAYYY more bizarre for him to then invite ME. And it is beyond ridiculous for him to say he doesn't want to make things awkward. His middle name is Awkward. Tapioca Awkward Head.

The man has NO boundaries. None. I won't be going to this party. I wouldn't have been able to even if it had been a normal going away party for the children. It is the day we load the moving truck (we'll ignore the fact that my ex knew this little fact too) and it is also the day of a good friend's wedding. But if you're free that day and want to attend the first (hopefully not annual) Bizarrefest, I'm sure I could get you an invite. I know a guy.

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