Monday, November 28, 2005

Thrasher and the Land of Cow Poo

I have a new nephew. Let's call him Thrasher (because his mom, my only sib, aka Tidget will hate it. :D) Even though he lives (in my opinion) way too close to the North Pole, I went to visit him last weekend. Thrasher is the smartest baby alive. Do you know what he did? He got over his colic two days before I got there! I went up expecting to hold a screaming, crying, inconsolable (yet beautiful) boy and instead I got to play with a delightful, wonderfully mannered, cooing, happy baby! Even though my sister is a first time mom at 35 - she is not the easily flappable type. For the first two months she didn't even let on that she was dealing with a baby so colicy that he now has a herniated belly button! I have lots of experience with babies (did you read the part of my profile where I have five children?) - and of the three I actually gave birth to, exactly zero of them had colic. (Colic being extremely rare after the age of five - I didn't have to deal with it in my other two kiddos either!)
Here are two things that helped Thrasher - a vacuum cleaner cd (which, you guessed it - plays for 60 minutes the digitally recorded (in stereo) sound of a vacuum cleaner) and Thrasher's radio station (which you can receive anywhere in the country - in fact the further out in the country you are the better your reception - just turn your radio to the first loud station that plays nothing but static). Thrasher may have been soothed by all that white noise but he doesn't get that gene from my end of the gene pool. White noise makes me cranky! I am not a background noise kind of person - AT ALL. I know (too) many people who turn on a tv or radio the second they get home because (they claim) it helps them "unwind". If you define "unwind" as "to become postal" then yeah, it does that for me too.
Returning to our muttons (or Moose as the case may be)...
Thrasher has spent his first few months in the state that is home to Ben & Jerry's - a claim to fame which in no way makes up for the fact that it is insanely cold there. It was 19 degrees when I was there and the Vermonters were all running around outside talking about what an incredibly beautiful day it was! Tidget explained to me that they were saying this because the sun was shining and it wasn't snowing. Hmmm - did I mention is was 19 degrees??!!!
I then learned about the seasons in Vermont. I officially missed "Leaf Peeper Season" which by all accounts wasn't its usual self this year anyway. Leaf Peeper Season lasts three to four weeks. Next comes "Stick Season" which also lasts three to four weeks. From personal experience, I can tell you that Stick Season is fine if you like being able to see lots of exposed rock (which I DO - I LOVE ROCKS!) and if your definition of a "beautiful day" does not require any warmth whatsoever. After Stick Season comes "Snow Season" which lasts 9 months. There has not been enough money minted in history to tempt me to visit during this time of year but if you are a polar bear I hear it's dandy. Next comes "Stinky Mud Season". Errrr?
Tidget explained to me that when the snow starts to melt her world becomes one big mud puddle. Ok - and um, the stinky part? "Well," she says, "that's the time of year when everything thaws. EVERYTHING. The dog poo thaws; the cow poo thaws. Nine months of frozen cow poo thawing all at once gives off a powerful stink."
Egad! That can't be healthy! Thrasher, you have my express invitation to come spend the seasons with ME!

No comments: