The child support situation is ridiculous. My ex is ridiculous. I just have to post this. You don't have to read it - but I think it will help me clear my head about his crazy-making. Here is the email (edited only to take out personal data) that Mr. Tapioca Head sent me when I dared to ask back in November if he knew why I'd received no child support. The check was more than a week late and it was right before Thanksgiving. Sidenote is that because he'd just changed jobs and the garnishment paperwork takes about six weeks to catch up, he'd had to mail this check in to the state system.
handles all of our child support at this point. You forced us into this situation post the mediation appointment which you decided was pointless, so I had no recourse but to go to the state to avoid any further contact with you regarding my child support payments.
It was inappropriate of you to bring up that subject with me today on the phone. I have no idea the logistics involved with processing my child support payments, but remind you that if you have any issues with it, by law, you need to contact the Child Support Receipting unit not me. My obligation, per ____ is to pay the sum of ___ each month, but am not restricted on how I do so. Any payments I make before that date is a courtesy. Starting in December, I will not be in the position to make any mid-month payments due to my pay schedule, so you will only be getting a payment from the state after the end of the month.
Please do not contact or discuss with me again concerning child support.
Mr. Tapioca Head
Nice, eh? Do you like how I "forced" this situation by not just agreeing to his demands in mediation? Do you like how he implies that I'm breaking the law by asking him and not Child Support Services? You know, I had asked the Child Support folks before talking to him and what they said was "He hasn't sent anything otherwise it would show up in our system. It might not show up in your account while we process the check, but we would be able to see that there was something being processed. There is nothing being processed. Have you asked him if he mailed anything?" Also? I was married to the man for 12 years. Does he think I don't remember all the times he lied to other people about things he was supposed to have mailed and didn't? I have not brought it up again. But Mr. Tapioca Head has. He does these odd emotional flipturns. He goes from righteously legalistic and pompous to over-the-top concerned and caring. Actually this is an example of a fairly mild swing but it still squicks me out. He's lying on either end of the spectrum and I can't trust any of it. Here is the email he sent me about the child support yesterday. He's still talking about the check he supposedly mailed:
I talked to Child support services again today. No check. They advised me to wait longer, because if I put a stop payment on the check, I will relinquish my privilage to write checks to them. I decided that was unfair to you. So, I just put a stop payment on the check I sent for the November 15th payment, and as of tomorrow, if it hasn't been presented to the bank, they will block it. I will rewrite the check (Ok, do a money order) and have it sent next day to the Child Support Receipting unit. I do have to wait till tomorrow just to make sure it doesn't get paid tonight. You should have your money by the end of the week? (Not sure how long it takes them to process it, from when they receive payment)
You have waited long enough.
I am pushing them to send my company the automatic debit/garnishment so it will come right out of my paycheck, but my company still has not received the request. I will hound them on this so that this kind of issue is non-existant in the future.
I am truly sorry for the inconvenience.
Mr. Tapioca Head
He's going to "relinquish" his privilege to write checks to child support services, all for little ole me. And next time things get messed up (and you KNOW there's going to be a next time), he will say that I "forced" us into this situation and it's my fault he can't write a check to fix it. He says "they" advised him to wait and not send any money in - hah! That sounds just like the folks over at the child support enforcement agency, doesn't it? "You are how far behind in child support? It's been how long since you mailed in a check that no one has seen? Oh, we advise you to wait just a little longer because we sure would hate for you to lose your check writing privileges." My Aunt Fanny! It reminds me of when he went to therapy during our divorce and came back to say literally, "My therapist says this is all your fault. He says that I'm fine and you are the one who needs therapy."
Then we get to the part where he says I have waited long enough. Is there a magic amount that qualifies as "enough"? How did he get to be the one to decide? Why did he blast me when I'd waited what I thought was a reasonable amount of time to ask about things? He is so strange. Do you like the part where he's "pushing" and "hounding" the state about processing the ? How does one go about pushing and hounding an automatic system? That part totally cracks me up. It's like he wants credit for being diligent in fixing a problem that he, himself, created by not freaking paying his child support. He says he is truly sorry and I agree. He is truly sorry.
So now, once again, I'm pretty sure I do not qualify to join the kind bloggers. What do you think? Could I still post that badge even after venting about how fed up I get with Mr. Tapioca? And the pope?! Would it hurt his feelings to find out that he's scary and looks like Snow Miser? Oh, I will NEVER qualify for that pretty flower! Damn it!