Advertisers Are Demented

This is weird.

Why would you want your pits to smell like Vanilla Chai? What next? Should Starbuck's jump on this trend and start their own bath and beauty line? Carmel Macchiato Antiperspirant Gel? Double latte, half-caf/decaf bath beads?!

This is weirder.


Cartoon Mucus? Why? (Please God, Linus did NOT just say he wanted a Mr. Mucus T-shirt!) Doesn't anyone else out there think it strange and oh-so-weirdly-American that not only is there a Mr. Mucus, but that he has a family and a football team?! And the oddness doesn't stop there! Have you seen that bizarre, toe fungus commercial which features an animated foot with eyeballs? EYEBALLS on a FOOT!! When the foot catching on fire is the least disturbing aspect of a commercial, perhaps that is a big fucking clue that there is something terribly amiss with the whole thing! Who in the HELL thought up that commercial? They should be shot. Dead. And you know, I can't even come up with a suitable punishment for the executive who watched that pitch and bought it. But wait. There's more. Can you believe there is an even worse commercial out there than the eyeballs-on-a-foot one? Maybe if you don't have "an eyeball thing" as my children call it, you won't think this one is worse - but still... I don't even know what the product is because I went screaming from the room. There is a camera zooming in on a black and white movie image of an eye and as the image grows you see teeth chomping (a mouth talking?) in the iris of the eye. EEEEEEEEEEK! Teeth chomping INSIDE of someone's eyeball!! I totally can't handle that. What product could possibly ever, ever be sold by an eyeball full of teeth?!!!

Don't you wonder what archaeologists (or aliens) who dig this shit up later are going to think of us?? "We don't have any skeletal evidence because eyeballs are soft tissue and are rarely preserved in fossil form, but we have recently uncovered miraculously in tact printed pictures that have knocked all of our earlier anatomical theories on their ear - or in this case, eyeball. It seems the ancients [or humans] had some way of growing eyes where and when they wanted them. We have several literary sources referring to "eyes in the back of the head" but until now we have had no hard evidence lending credence to..."

Peace.