Blame it on the Crate Training

Did I mention that I've never had my own dog until now?
Here are some things I never ever knew about having a puppy before:
-Puppy teeth fall out. On the carpet. Where you can step on them. Ewww. And ouch!
-Puppies do not understand that 'day off from the shop' is supposed to mean 'uninterrupted time to write'.
-It is cute and fun when your puppy buries his little rawhide 'bone' in the courtyard garden. It is not NEARLY as cute when your puppy digs up and brings back to you his slimy, dirty, now well-seasoned treasure.
-Puppies will try to chew on anything. ANYTHING. Like the toilet.
-Puppies do not all naturally take to 'crate training'. SOME puppies spend the ENTIRE first night exploring the crate: banging into the corners, ramming their heads into the top of the crate, slamming into the metal grate door, turning somersaults, thumping and bumping and whining, chewing and grumbling, yipping and growling.
-Some new puppy moms - especially the ones who need more sleep than the average bear - feel postal at about 1 a.m. on the first night of crate training. Some new puppy moms try to alleviate their postal-ness by thininking of all the reasons why she loves her puppy and why she wanted a puppy in the first place. Some new puppy moms run out of reasons at 1:03 a.m.
-Some new puppy dads - especially the ones who have prior experience both with dogs and with wives who don't get enough sleep - should be nominated for saint hood because they (finally!) take the not-cute-anymore, noisy, little beast to the other end of the house and leave the quiet bedroom all to the new puppy mom.
-Some new puppy moms - even the ones who because of their dear and nearly sainted husbands finally got three hours of sleep - drive their 13 year old sons to middle school in their pajamas completely forgetting that their hair is in a curly, red pony tail on the very tip top of their head which makes them look like Dr. Seuss had a thing or two to do with their appearance.
-Puppies - even the ones who have been subjected to crate training - give kisses and jump for joy and scamper like mad things and do the happy puppy dance when their puppy mom returns from the drive to the middle school and back that took a whole ten minutes.

Maybe I should be the one to sleep in the crate tonight.
Peace.